Morning Weight: 105lb
11:12am
I barely ate yesterday. Not because I was trying not to, but just because I didn't. I just didn't feel hungry, I was dressed nicely, I felt happy, I didn't feel the need for food.
Today, all I've had so far is one green apple, and that was just to get my metabolism awake, not because I was hungry.
I think I've found the fatal flaw....
If we obsess over it, and forever try to resist food, we focus so much on it that we end up craving it more and becoming weaker to it's pull.
Whereas, if you just stay busy and don't think about it, you can go for ages without food.
Think of it like a paper cut; It only starts hurting after you realise it's there. In the same way, you only feel hungry after you realise you're hungry.
That's why it's so easy not to eat anything when you spend all day playing video games - you just don't notice your body.
So that's my tactic now, don't think about it just get on. I feel bad, because I'm coming up with new tactics while Garfield is trying to come up with ways to make me get "better" until the new year (I asked him to, don't worry).
I just want to be able to enjoy Garfield's company and enjoy our love, without having this (literally) weighted cloud in my mind.
And yet, I don't want to "recover," I just want to let go a bit until the new year, when I'll start The Year Of Bones.
I doubt he'll manage it, to be completely honest. I'm not eating that much anymore, without even trying, and he has just over a month in which I can "get better" for a while and we can do things like go out to dinner, watch movies and eat snacks, share great-tasting things with each other, have fun, get drinks with each other (the only thing that stops me drinking constantly is the fact that alcohol has calories).....
He has just over a month.
I hope we get to make it a good time...
I need him to have some good memories and some happiness before next year...
Why did he have to love me, of all people...
11:12am
I barely ate yesterday. Not because I was trying not to, but just because I didn't. I just didn't feel hungry, I was dressed nicely, I felt happy, I didn't feel the need for food.
Today, all I've had so far is one green apple, and that was just to get my metabolism awake, not because I was hungry.
I think I've found the fatal flaw....
If we obsess over it, and forever try to resist food, we focus so much on it that we end up craving it more and becoming weaker to it's pull.
Whereas, if you just stay busy and don't think about it, you can go for ages without food.
Think of it like a paper cut; It only starts hurting after you realise it's there. In the same way, you only feel hungry after you realise you're hungry.
That's why it's so easy not to eat anything when you spend all day playing video games - you just don't notice your body.
So that's my tactic now, don't think about it just get on. I feel bad, because I'm coming up with new tactics while Garfield is trying to come up with ways to make me get "better" until the new year (I asked him to, don't worry).
I just want to be able to enjoy Garfield's company and enjoy our love, without having this (literally) weighted cloud in my mind.
And yet, I don't want to "recover," I just want to let go a bit until the new year, when I'll start The Year Of Bones.
I doubt he'll manage it, to be completely honest. I'm not eating that much anymore, without even trying, and he has just over a month in which I can "get better" for a while and we can do things like go out to dinner, watch movies and eat snacks, share great-tasting things with each other, have fun, get drinks with each other (the only thing that stops me drinking constantly is the fact that alcohol has calories).....
He has just over a month.
I hope we get to make it a good time...
I need him to have some good memories and some happiness before next year...
Why did he have to love me, of all people...
7:59pm
I ate too much today.
I've made a decision. While Garfield is wasting the little time he has left to help me before next year (I don't know what exactly he's doing), I'm going to eat like a fairy until new year.
I can't do it myself.
If I eat, I eat too much. If I don't, then I just don't eat.
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