8:07am
Pictures of Garfield and I stare at me from my "Positivity Board." Not so positive now. For some reason I don't want to take them down, or take down the quotes he said to me that are up there. It feels like, if I take them down, I'm accepting he doesn't want to know me.
I know he doesn't, who would, but a part of me still has this stupid hope that one day, maybe one day, things will change and those pictures can be inspiration once again.
Haven't weighed myself for over two weeks. I find I don't care about the number anymore, I just want to disappear, be so tiny that I can just poof out of existence. I wear so many layers now, it's always cold, I usually wear at least 3 tops, 2 jumpers and a jacket now, gloves and scarf, and 2 pairs of leggings beneath two pairs of trousers. It's so cold. I've never been so cold.
I wanted to walk home from school again today, but I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I pray mother doesn't bring up my eating, or my Vegan diet, as I have never spoken to the doctor about my eating, and I don't intend to. It is mine, my thing to control, my talent, my proof of strength and willpower. It helps me forget reality and just concentrate on the rules and numbers, making everything exact and perfect.
Looking into drugs a little more, and I think I've found the ones I want to try.
There is one that is more dangerous that I'm going to take, called DNP. It increases the rate of calories each cell burns, and within a week it can cause you to drop a stone or more. However, it isn't recommended to be taken for more than 8 days, as it will essentially cook you from the inside out.
I don't care about that. It's the weight loss part I'm interested in. I've ordered a free sample, so hopefully it will be here soon.
Pictures of Garfield and I stare at me from my "Positivity Board." Not so positive now. For some reason I don't want to take them down, or take down the quotes he said to me that are up there. It feels like, if I take them down, I'm accepting he doesn't want to know me.
I know he doesn't, who would, but a part of me still has this stupid hope that one day, maybe one day, things will change and those pictures can be inspiration once again.
Haven't weighed myself for over two weeks. I find I don't care about the number anymore, I just want to disappear, be so tiny that I can just poof out of existence. I wear so many layers now, it's always cold, I usually wear at least 3 tops, 2 jumpers and a jacket now, gloves and scarf, and 2 pairs of leggings beneath two pairs of trousers. It's so cold. I've never been so cold.
I wanted to walk home from school again today, but I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I pray mother doesn't bring up my eating, or my Vegan diet, as I have never spoken to the doctor about my eating, and I don't intend to. It is mine, my thing to control, my talent, my proof of strength and willpower. It helps me forget reality and just concentrate on the rules and numbers, making everything exact and perfect.
Looking into drugs a little more, and I think I've found the ones I want to try.
There is one that is more dangerous that I'm going to take, called DNP. It increases the rate of calories each cell burns, and within a week it can cause you to drop a stone or more. However, it isn't recommended to be taken for more than 8 days, as it will essentially cook you from the inside out.
I don't care about that. It's the weight loss part I'm interested in. I've ordered a free sample, so hopefully it will be here soon.
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