11:00am
I like to think I'm good at knowing people. Or at least, I know when people are being genuine.
Everyone knows I get frustrated easily, and with my new hairstyle I seem to be more aggressive and short-tempered, so I'm thankful that most people who know me will understand that it isn't anger I show.
I found out today that Garfield has been having some personal issues. I feel bad having shouted at him now, but I suppose in a way some things need to be said, although they could have been said in a nicer way. He said there was one person he didn't want to talk to right now but didn't want to lose. I feel stupid thinking it could be me, but if it is, he should know that I've known him for about 4 years now, he's told me many things about his life which I have kept to myself, but he should know that this means, however I may act, I know when to believe it.
I knew something was wrong. I don't know how, but after you've known someone that well for that long, you know when they aren't acting themselves. Garfield was never the one to just cut off a bond without reason. It's why I've given him time and solitude, I knew something was probably very wrong, and it felt impossible to let him go. There was this sense of guilt, I had been angry and aggressive, selfish and thinking only of myself, so how could I expect him to explain anything while I was so sharp and icy? Talk about being an Ice Queen...
Anyway, if he does still read this blog, which I doubt he does, but if he does, I want him to know that whether he meant me or not in his public explanation, he'll always have me to go to, no matter what happens, and no matter what I act like.
IN OTHER NEWS, I spoke to my doctor yesterday about various things. First on the agenda was my antidepressants. It seems that they become less effective at various points of the weeks and months, so I am now on the contraceptive pill. We hope this will help regulate my hormones more, and help the antidepressants work in more situations.
I then asked my mother to exit the room, where I then asked my doctor about my tendons, ankles and knees. I am experiencing severe aches and sharp pains in my left tendon and my right knee, most likely due to the fact I now walk an additional 4.5+ miles a day now, after no training, warm ups or warnings. However he said it should be fine, and just to make sure to wear appropriate shoes.
Trainers are not the school dress code.
Sod the school dress code, I want to run.
Lastly, I explained that I had a friend with an eating issue who was worried about what would happen if she approached her doctor about it; would they take action and remove her psychological coping mechanism, or would they keep an eye on her and, rather than stop her, would they simply try to help lessen the physical damage?
He answered that each doctor is different, it would depend on the case, and would depend on the doctor's confidence in that field of health.
I left after we had finished that discussion. I have decided I will not be going to any doctor or therapist about my eating, it is not a serious enough issue, it would waste time and money, and they would interfere more the closer I got to my goals.
I ate too much yesterday, even for a normal person. I had 4 chocolate bars, an eccles cake, pasta for lunch and pasta with Quorn pieces and cheese for dinner. So I've decided to fast for today, tomorrow and as much of the weekend as I can, with only water and my morning Mocha (91) each day.
My friend is coming for a sleepover on Saturday.. Thankfully she knows about me and food, and mother allows us to eat upstairs during our sleepovers, so I'm sure I can convince her not to feel guilty about eating my portion of pizza as well as her own - She has made it clear she has a habit of asking others for food as she does not get much at home, so I have made it clear that the more of it I share with her, the happier I feel mentally and emotionally.
Fingers crossed, I always look forward to our sleepovers. It's all reading Fanfic, watching Anime and playing Minecraft and Town of Salem.
I always feel better after sleepovers with her. If she wasn't such a bro to me and it wasn't awkward, I would be happy to date such a wonderful person. But that will never ever happen, because her and I are as close as family. It's that friendship that's so strong, you could easily date them and live with them, but neither of you feel obligated to do that because the friendship is just so... Right.
Day one of Fluoxetine + The Pill...... I think I feel a little better, and it's not to do with the meds.
I like to think I'm good at knowing people. Or at least, I know when people are being genuine.
Everyone knows I get frustrated easily, and with my new hairstyle I seem to be more aggressive and short-tempered, so I'm thankful that most people who know me will understand that it isn't anger I show.
I found out today that Garfield has been having some personal issues. I feel bad having shouted at him now, but I suppose in a way some things need to be said, although they could have been said in a nicer way. He said there was one person he didn't want to talk to right now but didn't want to lose. I feel stupid thinking it could be me, but if it is, he should know that I've known him for about 4 years now, he's told me many things about his life which I have kept to myself, but he should know that this means, however I may act, I know when to believe it.
I knew something was wrong. I don't know how, but after you've known someone that well for that long, you know when they aren't acting themselves. Garfield was never the one to just cut off a bond without reason. It's why I've given him time and solitude, I knew something was probably very wrong, and it felt impossible to let him go. There was this sense of guilt, I had been angry and aggressive, selfish and thinking only of myself, so how could I expect him to explain anything while I was so sharp and icy? Talk about being an Ice Queen...
Anyway, if he does still read this blog, which I doubt he does, but if he does, I want him to know that whether he meant me or not in his public explanation, he'll always have me to go to, no matter what happens, and no matter what I act like.
IN OTHER NEWS, I spoke to my doctor yesterday about various things. First on the agenda was my antidepressants. It seems that they become less effective at various points of the weeks and months, so I am now on the contraceptive pill. We hope this will help regulate my hormones more, and help the antidepressants work in more situations.
I then asked my mother to exit the room, where I then asked my doctor about my tendons, ankles and knees. I am experiencing severe aches and sharp pains in my left tendon and my right knee, most likely due to the fact I now walk an additional 4.5+ miles a day now, after no training, warm ups or warnings. However he said it should be fine, and just to make sure to wear appropriate shoes.
Trainers are not the school dress code.
Sod the school dress code, I want to run.
Lastly, I explained that I had a friend with an eating issue who was worried about what would happen if she approached her doctor about it; would they take action and remove her psychological coping mechanism, or would they keep an eye on her and, rather than stop her, would they simply try to help lessen the physical damage?
He answered that each doctor is different, it would depend on the case, and would depend on the doctor's confidence in that field of health.
I left after we had finished that discussion. I have decided I will not be going to any doctor or therapist about my eating, it is not a serious enough issue, it would waste time and money, and they would interfere more the closer I got to my goals.
I ate too much yesterday, even for a normal person. I had 4 chocolate bars, an eccles cake, pasta for lunch and pasta with Quorn pieces and cheese for dinner. So I've decided to fast for today, tomorrow and as much of the weekend as I can, with only water and my morning Mocha (91) each day.
My friend is coming for a sleepover on Saturday.. Thankfully she knows about me and food, and mother allows us to eat upstairs during our sleepovers, so I'm sure I can convince her not to feel guilty about eating my portion of pizza as well as her own - She has made it clear she has a habit of asking others for food as she does not get much at home, so I have made it clear that the more of it I share with her, the happier I feel mentally and emotionally.
Fingers crossed, I always look forward to our sleepovers. It's all reading Fanfic, watching Anime and playing Minecraft and Town of Salem.
I always feel better after sleepovers with her. If she wasn't such a bro to me and it wasn't awkward, I would be happy to date such a wonderful person. But that will never ever happen, because her and I are as close as family. It's that friendship that's so strong, you could easily date them and live with them, but neither of you feel obligated to do that because the friendship is just so... Right.
Day one of Fluoxetine + The Pill...... I think I feel a little better, and it's not to do with the meds.
No comments:
Post a Comment