Morning Weight: 102lb
12:30am
I push the bracelet onto my wrist, pull 2 of the three pendants off of my necklace and put it on, then quickly put the earrings in.
He gave me all of it.
Me: Ana help me oh god I don't know what to do. How do I save him?!
Her: You can't sweetie. You're not there, and it's too late to go there. If you're that desperate...
1:45pm
He rang me. We spoke. We cried. I helped him to feel better, and less like giving up, then we slept. I've never known him to be in that state before. Not with me at least.
It scares me.
I had some Honey Granola for breakfast, with water, and at lunch time I walked into the school canteen, intending to fill up my water bottle (one litre down - 2 to go), and I saw/smelt the fresh cooked Panini rolls, filled with hot melted cheese, and toasted ham.
Ana Maria slipped her hand into mine and led me past them, not forcefully but gently.
Her: It's okay, I'm here now. I was always here, but now I'm going to help you.
We walked over to the salad bar, got a large pot and filled it with crispy iceberg lettuce, cucumber slices and a few carrot sticks. I hadn't planned to have lunch, and I was confused at why she was encouraging this, instead of insulting me and convincing me to live off of air and water. I was even more surprised when she made me a tiny portion of instant soup.
Me: I don't understand. Aren't I meant to be avoiding food?
Her (softly): Not at all! You keep bingeing, so it's no point trying to fast yet. You have a fasting day tomorrow, so you need to regain control today. Salad is better than carbs, fat and disgusting calories. That whole pot is barely 15kcal! Better to binge on salad than on that awful Panini... Or your thighs will look even more like Panini Rolls!
Me: True. And the soup?
Her: That's fine too. It's the lowest calorie soup you have, and it's barely half the sachet anyway. You need to learn to restrict again before you can fast again. It's okay, I'm here to help sweetie.
We hug briefly, I feel the sharpness of her perfect body, and then she is gone, back to wherever she goes when food isn't around. To her quiet place, her retreat.
And I slowly nibble my salad, constantly sipping water between each bite.
Taking control... Oh, what a nice, nice thing.
Evening Weight: 105lb
12:30am
I push the bracelet onto my wrist, pull 2 of the three pendants off of my necklace and put it on, then quickly put the earrings in.
He gave me all of it.
Me: Ana help me oh god I don't know what to do. How do I save him?!
Her: You can't sweetie. You're not there, and it's too late to go there. If you're that desperate...
1:45pm
He rang me. We spoke. We cried. I helped him to feel better, and less like giving up, then we slept. I've never known him to be in that state before. Not with me at least.
It scares me.
I had some Honey Granola for breakfast, with water, and at lunch time I walked into the school canteen, intending to fill up my water bottle (one litre down - 2 to go), and I saw/smelt the fresh cooked Panini rolls, filled with hot melted cheese, and toasted ham.
Ana Maria slipped her hand into mine and led me past them, not forcefully but gently.
Her: It's okay, I'm here now. I was always here, but now I'm going to help you.
We walked over to the salad bar, got a large pot and filled it with crispy iceberg lettuce, cucumber slices and a few carrot sticks. I hadn't planned to have lunch, and I was confused at why she was encouraging this, instead of insulting me and convincing me to live off of air and water. I was even more surprised when she made me a tiny portion of instant soup.
Me: I don't understand. Aren't I meant to be avoiding food?
Her (softly): Not at all! You keep bingeing, so it's no point trying to fast yet. You have a fasting day tomorrow, so you need to regain control today. Salad is better than carbs, fat and disgusting calories. That whole pot is barely 15kcal! Better to binge on salad than on that awful Panini... Or your thighs will look even more like Panini Rolls!
Me: True. And the soup?
Her: That's fine too. It's the lowest calorie soup you have, and it's barely half the sachet anyway. You need to learn to restrict again before you can fast again. It's okay, I'm here to help sweetie.
We hug briefly, I feel the sharpness of her perfect body, and then she is gone, back to wherever she goes when food isn't around. To her quiet place, her retreat.
And I slowly nibble my salad, constantly sipping water between each bite.
Taking control... Oh, what a nice, nice thing.
Evening Weight: 105lb
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