Monday, 20th October, 2014

Morning Weight: UNKNOWN

6:33am

My brother stayed over last night... Meaning he slept in the living room because we're redecorating his bedroom... 

The scales are in the living room...

Ugh, I still feel so disgusting from yesterday... My body's so much fatter now, I can tell I gained about 5lb, and everyone else will be able to tell too.

At least mum saw me eat dinner... She's noticed I'm restricting again, but said that I'm old enough now that if I want to "starve" myself, she can't stop me.

And she's right. I didn't have to eat dinner. I never have to eat dinner again. I can say no, and I don't have to pretend anymore. 

I won't eat anything I don't want to, from now on.

Today's limit is 450kcal, but I still feel sick from yesterday.

I think I'll skip breakfast today.


11:52am
I can feel everyone staring at me... Staring at the fat that's on my body from last night...
I feel disgusting.


I've decided that I'm not going to allow myself to see Garfield until I'm GW2 again, however long that takes. I don't know what I weigh now, and I hate not knowing, but I'll find out this evening. Then, I will do whatever I can to get back to GW2...


I'm getting my tattoo a week today. I want to be at least GW2 for that, if not lower. So whatever I weigh today, I have a week to lose 5-7lb at least, ready for my tattoo.


I will not lie on that chair and have someone tattoo my side whilst I am this fat.
I will not be just another fat person getting a tattoo.

8:30pm

I can't wait to move out, and be somewhere where people won't shove food in my face.

Garfield will have a long time to wait at this rate...

9:52pm

Thank god tomorrow is a fasting day... I need it, after the awful 3 days I've had... I need to try and make back all the progress I've destroyed.

I like being around Garfield, I don't want to have to wait weeks, months, before seeing him again. So I'll weigh myself tonight (oh god) and work doubly hard over the next week to get back to GW2, so I can get my tattoo and see Garfield again...

I need to take a stand. I need to say "no" to my parents.

Either that, or I need to stay out later, and find more excuses.

I feel disgusting... So disgusting... I can't wait for the ABC diet to end, because the next one I'm doing is 18 days of just fasting or eating fruit, and it's never more than 135kcal a day! For over two weeks! I can't wait, it's going to help me progress so quickly...

I've completely failed most of the ABC though, so I'll do it again next year. Along with lots of other diets, which I'll try, and see which ones are the most effective.

Then, once I'm done with trying out the different diets, I'll just stop eating, and I'll only eat when I want to.

I just need to be skinny...

11:46pm

Well, I managed to get a little bit out of me before my weigh in... Not much, but I didn't want to risk waking mum up by trying too hard. I'd also left my water in my room, so it was bound to be difficult anyway.

When I stepped onto the scales, I expected triple figures. Thankfully, I was wrong, as the scale announced that I was back at GW1... Not over it, but right on it.

I breathed a little sigh of relief. Okay, that's good. Not great obviously, any additional pound is one too many, but I could handle that. It meant I'd messed up one goal, but hadn't ruined both achievements. 

It also means that I have 6 days to lose 5lb..

I know if I were to fast for 6 days, I would lose up to 2lb per day, and the weight would be gone in an instant. 

... But I'm so close... I know I've ruined and failed most of the ABC but at least I can say I finished it... Tomorrow's a fasting day any way. 

Then after the ABC, I have a 2 day break, then into the STB, which I'm really looking forward to! 

I will be beautiful... I will be skinny...

And one day, I'll look into the mirror and smile.

Just not any day soon..

Evening Weight: 95lb