Morning Weight: 95lb
7:16am
I woke up starving, so without thinking, I crept downstairs. Opening the fridge I took out a half full tub of Lightest cream cheese, and then went to the cereal cupboard and took out my pack of Corn Cake Thins.
It was after the 5th Corn Cake that I woke up.
I was about to stop, but then I realised I still had 10 days of the ABC left. My limit for today was going to be 350.
I ate 10 Corn Cakes (170), and had the remaining 100g of cream cheese (98), which came to a total of 268.
Good. Breakfast.
Tips rolled through my head one after the other.
Eating 250+kcal for breakfast is the best way to boost your metabolism for the rest of the day.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, by increasing your metabolic rate it will cause you to burn more throughout the day.
Eat most of your calories in the morning, that way you have all day to burn it off.
Once I'm done, I sneak back upstairs and back to bed. Full, and my body satisfied, I plan the rest of my day.
82kcal left. That's enough for an instant soup and a hot chocolate. Warm and filling. Perfect.
I'll finish the ABC, fast for a few days, then start the Sweet Tiny Body diet. I'm really looking forward to it because it's essentially fruit fasting and water fasting, never over 135kcal, for 18 days.
I will not let my body control me.
8:50am
Well.... At least all the sweets are gone now...
I guess I'm just going to be another fat girl getting inked on Monday then.
And there's no way I'm letting Garfield see me like this, all fat and bulging with lard... He'd dump me in a heartbeat. Maybe not out loud, no he wouldn't tell me he doesn't love me anymore, because he thinks I wouldn't be able to handle it. So he'll smile and lie, and try to make me feel better by saying I'm beautiful, and saying he likes the biggest parts of my body, like my legs, but I'll know the truth.
Because no one could truly love someone like me.
4:38pm
I threw up at work today.
Putting stock in the freezers, my chest tightened and I felt sick. I told my manager and quickly ran up to the staff loos, waiting about 10 minutes for people to leave.
Removing my jacket, watch and glasses, and grabbing my hair up behind my head, I stood over the toilet.
Four times. Four times I did it. I think I must have got everything out, but I don't ever believe that. Surely the amount I ate, it would take more than four times?
But it got to the point where I couldn't get anything else out, no matter how hard I tried.
I felt better, but 3 hours later and I feel sick again... Though I haven't eaten anything.
At least I purged what I ate this morning.
8:46pm
My bus still hasn't turned up, but I'm kind of glad it didn't.
Today, whilst waiting for the bus, I met a 21-month-recovered drug addict called P (unnamed for identity protection). He had a framed photo of his daughter in his bag, who is very beautiful, and has 2 sons, 18 and 20, who he doesn't get to see because it's become too late in their lives.
He likes respectable people, but used to be the rebel-type, and joined a gang in London when he was a teenager. He only joined as a joke because everyone in the gang was racist, and he was the only black man among white men.
However, he's turned it all around, is getting Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and counselling for everything, including his explosive temper, and only spoke to me because he thought I was pretty and looked Scottish.
He wants to be a drugs counsellor for other people, and can easily tell when a home less person is begging for drug money and not food. He prefers to take the homeless person into a shop and buy them a sandwich.
He himself doesn't like sandwiches, and tends to avoid bread.
He was a charming, polite, honest and admirable man, and I'm very glad to have met him.
11:57pm
I've had chest/tummy pains for over a week now... And my heart often feels too loud/fast in my chest.
But I refuse to go to the doctor. Because if he finds out I've been purging, he'll force me to recover.
Evening Weight: 98lb
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