Morning Weight: 93lb
9:26am
Today I've had a bowl of Gluten Free Honey Hoops (133), with water (0) and Stevia (0), as well as two Corn Cake Thins (34) for breakfast. Hopefully that'll mean my metabolism is awake, and then later I'll have a WeightWatchers Hot Chocolate (33).
I purged last night. When my stomach was empty. It was the only thing I could think of doing besides emotional eating (which I really didn't want to do).
It's just... Garfield... I love him so much, and I know I can trust him, but... I just feel like he's too physical. I don't mind kissing, I don't get anything from it and only do it to make him happy, but I don't mind it, however it just feels like we always have to kiss. Or at least, that he always wants to be kissing. As if that's the only thing he wants to do with me. It's like how he always seems to want to cuddle (which I'm okay with), and kiss my collarbone all the time. Yes, I enjoy it. Yes, he enjoys it.
But not all the goddamn time.
Is that unfair of me to say that?
I feel like it is, because I know he just likes being that close to me. He's a Sexual dating an Asexual, I can understand the frustration, but I can't deal with another break up...
Today after school, I'm going to go into town, go to the supermarkets, and make a list of foods.
12:45pm
I probably should have explained earlier, but I had to go to an English lesson. Oh, I love William Blake...
Anyway, this list. I've made a table that I've printed out, which has spaces to write the name of a product, the brand, serving size, kcal per serving, kcal per 100g, kcal per pack, whether it's gluten free, vegetarian or vegan, how much it is and where I got it. And I'm going to make a database. So that I can construct recipes and meal plans with ease, simply by looking at my database for the kcal content!
I'm also going to look at items that I've heard can be substitutes for other ingredients in recipes, such as using banana instead of butter, or vanilla extract instead of sugar, so that I can see if I can make low calorie options for different recipes!
It's all set out, in a beautifully organised, colour-coded table, and I'm very excited. I'll look a bit weird going round with a clipboard, looking at products and writing stuff down, but if anyone asks, I'll just say it's food science homework, and our project is to look at alternatives to common recipes. Simple!
... In some ways, I wonder if I should show this blog to Garfield... But that would be awful, the idea is that he can't read this, this is my free thoughts, separated from my normal life through aliases and the obscurity of the internet.
This evening should be fun though.
9:26am
Today I've had a bowl of Gluten Free Honey Hoops (133), with water (0) and Stevia (0), as well as two Corn Cake Thins (34) for breakfast. Hopefully that'll mean my metabolism is awake, and then later I'll have a WeightWatchers Hot Chocolate (33).
I purged last night. When my stomach was empty. It was the only thing I could think of doing besides emotional eating (which I really didn't want to do).
It's just... Garfield... I love him so much, and I know I can trust him, but... I just feel like he's too physical. I don't mind kissing, I don't get anything from it and only do it to make him happy, but I don't mind it, however it just feels like we always have to kiss. Or at least, that he always wants to be kissing. As if that's the only thing he wants to do with me. It's like how he always seems to want to cuddle (which I'm okay with), and kiss my collarbone all the time. Yes, I enjoy it. Yes, he enjoys it.
But not all the goddamn time.
Is that unfair of me to say that?
I feel like it is, because I know he just likes being that close to me. He's a Sexual dating an Asexual, I can understand the frustration, but I can't deal with another break up...
Today after school, I'm going to go into town, go to the supermarkets, and make a list of foods.
12:45pm
I probably should have explained earlier, but I had to go to an English lesson. Oh, I love William Blake...
Anyway, this list. I've made a table that I've printed out, which has spaces to write the name of a product, the brand, serving size, kcal per serving, kcal per 100g, kcal per pack, whether it's gluten free, vegetarian or vegan, how much it is and where I got it. And I'm going to make a database. So that I can construct recipes and meal plans with ease, simply by looking at my database for the kcal content!
I'm also going to look at items that I've heard can be substitutes for other ingredients in recipes, such as using banana instead of butter, or vanilla extract instead of sugar, so that I can see if I can make low calorie options for different recipes!
It's all set out, in a beautifully organised, colour-coded table, and I'm very excited. I'll look a bit weird going round with a clipboard, looking at products and writing stuff down, but if anyone asks, I'll just say it's food science homework, and our project is to look at alternatives to common recipes. Simple!
... In some ways, I wonder if I should show this blog to Garfield... But that would be awful, the idea is that he can't read this, this is my free thoughts, separated from my normal life through aliases and the obscurity of the internet.
This evening should be fun though.
10:24pm
Had the hot chocolate.
Watched some of a horror movie.
Had to pause it halfway because I couldn't see through the tears in my eyes.
I wish I could purge so badly that I purge out my heart.
I want to try and do that now.
11:12pm
I want to run. Just run. Far away. Just run and don't stop.
Evening Weight: 90lb
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