9:28am
People don't seem to understand that I hate relying on people. They offer to buy things for me, put money towards things, support me, but nobody understands I don't want people to support me anymore!
I've been supported my entire life, by parents, therapists, counsellors, charity funding, family friends, doctors, nurses and more. I don't like it, I never liked relying on people.
So when my mum says she could have got me pens instead of me spending a couple of pounds that I had, I just nod. But inside I'm replying with "Well maybe I wanted to get them myself with my own money!"
People don't seem to understand this. I don't want your money or support. I want to do it myself. I won't allow my brother to fund my hobbies, because I want to earn my own income and fund my own hobbies with money that I earned!!!
I don't want to lose weight by using diet pills and drugs, I want to do it myself.
I don't want someone to buy me a camera, I want to buy it myself.
I don't want people to give me money for nothing, I want to earn it myself.
I don't want my parents telling me what to put on my CV, I want to do it myself.
I don't want teachers to tell me what to do, I want to do things myself, at my own pace.
I don't want my parents to buy my food, buy me solids like Quorn and Vegan things, I want to do it myself.
I don't want someone to love me and look after me, I want to look after myself.
This is why I want to move out so badly. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON MYSELF INSTEAD OF OTHERS I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING LED THROUGH LIFE ON A FUCKING THRONE.
I'm not even kidding. My dad will buy me anything I want. My friends will go out of their way to do things for me. So many people seem to love me and find me inspiring. My parents would do anything to make me happy. My family would give me all the money they had if I needed it.
It's like I'm fucking royalty, and I hate it. Yes, I would love to be famous and pampered and not ever have to do anything ever again, everyone wants that, but I'm more interested in the choice.
I like choice.
Take away my perception of choice, and I become angry and spiral towards rock bottom.
When I say I like choice, I mean this:
I like to be able to choose what I eat and drink.
I like to be able to choose whether to manipulate people or not. (I choose not)
I like to be able to choose what I buy.
I like to be able to choose who I see.
I like to be able to choose what I experience.
I like to be able to choose to live or die.
I like to be able to choose what gender I want to be.
I like to be able to choose.
The decision is unimportant to me, it's the freedom for me to actually decide that matters.
People don't seem to understand that I hate relying on people. They offer to buy things for me, put money towards things, support me, but nobody understands I don't want people to support me anymore!
I've been supported my entire life, by parents, therapists, counsellors, charity funding, family friends, doctors, nurses and more. I don't like it, I never liked relying on people.
So when my mum says she could have got me pens instead of me spending a couple of pounds that I had, I just nod. But inside I'm replying with "Well maybe I wanted to get them myself with my own money!"
People don't seem to understand this. I don't want your money or support. I want to do it myself. I won't allow my brother to fund my hobbies, because I want to earn my own income and fund my own hobbies with money that I earned!!!
I don't want to lose weight by using diet pills and drugs, I want to do it myself.
I don't want someone to buy me a camera, I want to buy it myself.
I don't want people to give me money for nothing, I want to earn it myself.
I don't want my parents telling me what to put on my CV, I want to do it myself.
I don't want teachers to tell me what to do, I want to do things myself, at my own pace.
I don't want my parents to buy my food, buy me solids like Quorn and Vegan things, I want to do it myself.
I don't want someone to love me and look after me, I want to look after myself.
This is why I want to move out so badly. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON MYSELF INSTEAD OF OTHERS I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING LED THROUGH LIFE ON A FUCKING THRONE.
I'm not even kidding. My dad will buy me anything I want. My friends will go out of their way to do things for me. So many people seem to love me and find me inspiring. My parents would do anything to make me happy. My family would give me all the money they had if I needed it.
It's like I'm fucking royalty, and I hate it. Yes, I would love to be famous and pampered and not ever have to do anything ever again, everyone wants that, but I'm more interested in the choice.
I like choice.
Take away my perception of choice, and I become angry and spiral towards rock bottom.
When I say I like choice, I mean this:
I like to be able to choose what I eat and drink.
I like to be able to choose whether to manipulate people or not. (I choose not)
I like to be able to choose what I buy.
I like to be able to choose who I see.
I like to be able to choose what I experience.
I like to be able to choose to live or die.
I like to be able to choose what gender I want to be.
I like to be able to choose.
The decision is unimportant to me, it's the freedom for me to actually decide that matters.
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